Logan pulled his SUV up to the little cottage, turned off the ignition and sat in silence for a moment or two before disembarking and approaching the door. When there was no response to his knock, reflexively he tried the latch; it was unlocked. He toyed briefly with the idea of coming back later but the simple truth of it was that he could not leave. Knowing this might upset Cassie yet unable to reconcile his feelings of trepidation and longing, Logan entered her house.
As he moved through the vestibule and into the hallway, even though it had been less than two weeks since he'd been there, he had the bitter sweet sensation of the distant warmth and familiarity one experiences when he visits the childhood home he'd left long ago.
With a barrage of memories assailing him, he moved through the darkened cottage. His breath caught in his throat as he stepped into the library alcove. The overstuffed sofa where they had so often lain entwined reading and discussing books was unnervingly disheveled, its down-filled pillows tossed to the floor. The woven silk blanket Cassie had always treated with such care had been wadded like a piece of crumbled paper and likewise discarded, shoved under the table. Standing menacingly close to the edge was a bottle of Pinot Grigio, opened but untouched. One of the glasses they had bought at the estate sale was lying on its side in the center of the table, its rim cracked. He smiled resolutely as he bent down and, with a gentle puff of his breath, extinguished a double-wicked candle that had been carelessly left burning. Next to it he eyed a book of matches and a silver bowl containing an obscure love note Jamie had written to Cassie and several photos of the two of them. The antique pewter frame in which Cassie had encased her favorite photo of Jamie had been taken apart, its pieces discarded haphazardly; there was no sign of the photo. Logan sat on the sofa, leaned back and heaved a heavy sigh as he assessed the scene laid out before him. Eventually his gaze made its way to the fireplace. He hadn't noticed until now that the painting of the cottage was missing from its perch above the mantle, the poker likewise missing from its hook.
As he entered the living room he discovered the missing poker lying on the floor in the center of the room, its pointed end proximal to the painting which had been set upright with its back against the settee. A disbelieving breath escaped Logan's lips as he drew his hand to his brow and down the length of his face. He blinked back the moisture in his eyes and cleared his throat as he continued his survey of every gut wrenching detail.
As he continued numbly through the house, he found the kitchen uncharacteristically pristine, though the aloe plant was in dire need of water. The sun-room door to the garden had been left wide open. He descended the three steps to close it but as the cool night air caressed him, he suddenly turned and hastened back though the house to the stairway that led to Cassie's bedroom.
He bounded the steps as though he were being chased but he paused at the top and entered cautiously. He closed his eyes as he basked in the scent of her perfume. The moonlight glaring through her window illuminated the bed which looked as though it had not been touched since he'd been there, except that this pillow had been removed. So had the patchwork blanket he'd given her. Overtaken by vivid memories of the two of them wrestling in the throws of passion, he sat on the bed taking her pillow into his arms. Clutching it to his middle, he rocked inconsolably, his flooding eyes fixed on the crescent moon.
Resolved to being systematically eliminated from her life, a despairing Logan eventually made his way back downstairs. He'd decided to leave her alone; he would not hurt her anymore.
Mechanically, he located a small box from the studio and began to pack some of his things: Paintbrushes, CD's, his camera, a couple of shirts. He remembered the small photo of the two of them that Cassie had kept on the windowsill in the kitchen and went to retrieve it; it was a surefire bet she would not miss it.
He hadn't intended to touch anything except to take his things, but the drooping aloe plant was begging for water. Believing she would not notice, he removed it from the sill, lowered it to the basin and was instantly afforded a clear view of the garden and his easel. It dawned on him how much he'd invested in this relationship. He'd never given himself over to anyone like this. He had made this woman his reason for living and her little cottage his home. Refusing harborage to the pain that once again threatened to overtake him, he let the water run into the watering can to set, relieved the plant of a dead stalk and decided he needed to remove the easel. She'd probably be grateful to be rid of it.
He shook the water off his hands, dried them on the dishtowel and made his way to the garden. As he began to turn the wing nut on the easel, he was distracted by a rustling sound behind him. Turning toward it, he was stunned by what he saw.
~~~~~~~
There was Cassie sound asleep in the Victorian hammock with the patchwork quilt hanging off her legs. He furrowed his brow as he moved silently toward her drinking in the sight. Looking down at her, his eyes widened as his heart broke with joy. She was wearing the white nightgown he'd bought for her, her loosened hair cascading over her shoulders. She was clutching his pillow to her breast and in her right hand she held the deframed photo of Jamie that had been her favorite. Two of the DVD's that had been sent to her in that cursed box were on her lap still in their sealed cases. Unable to help himself, Logan bent down and kissed her tenderly on her forehead. "I'm here now," he whispered. She turned toward his kiss and sleepily sighed affirmation that she had heard him, "Jamie..."
He lifted the blanket over her being careful not to wake her, left the easel where it was, and made his way to the house. His eyes softened and the corner of his mouth lifted as he turned around to look at her before stepping inside. He would come back in the morning.
As he was deciding whether to place his things back from where he'd retrieved them, he heard the garden door open and close.
Cassie had awakened and wrapped herself in the blanket. Momentarily unsure whether she was still dreaming as she entered to find him standing in her library, she beamed at the sight of him. "Jamie!" She cried as he turned toward her, his arms outstretched. But her bright eyes and beaming smile vanished as the agonizing reality of all that had transpired between them hit hard. Her voice caught in her throat as she corrected herself. "Jamie... Lo--gan... Jamm... Oh my God," she sobbed bitterly, "I don't even know your name. I don't know what to call you..." She stepped toward him and with her open palms began to pound upon upon his chest. "You bastard... Why did you do this to me? Why? What kind of a man are you? I loved him... You bastard. How could you..." She raised her fisted hands into the air as though she wanted to strike him but froze, incapable of doing so.
Logan grabbed her wrists to calm her. His proximity and his touch were unbearably painful to her. Cassie tried to pull away from him but as she turned to twist out of his grasp, she merely succeeded in wrapping his arms around her. With Logan holding her wrists, her arms crossed against her chest and her back drawn into him, the warmth of his body penetrated her hysteria. She no longer had any fight left in her. Her knees buckled as she collapsed into his embrace, utterly broken, desperately mourning the loss of Jamie. "I can't do this. It hurts too much," her sobs turning to whimpers. "This is my nightmare... How could you... This is my nightmare."
Logan cradled her softly whispering words of comfort as he gently lowered himself to the floor. Emboldened by the realization that she had not stopped loving him, he kissed her face as he stroked her hair. "I'm here now; it's all right. Don't cry, Cassie. It's going to be all right now." It was him she loved and there would be a way to show her that. This was not the end for them; he would see to it.
CM
Copyright © 2007 Carol Marsella, BEHIND THE WALL. Newprose.org. All rights reserved.
Showing posts with label garden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label garden. Show all posts
Saturday, June 30, 2007
FOOTBALL, FLOODS, and FORGOTTEN GRATITUDE
So not only do they bet on the outcome of the games, they also bet on the outcome of the verdict. No, this is not news. The interesting news appears just below:
Just saw this on: READABET dot COM
A gamble is developing on the possibility of a 21-team Premiership next season, according to Ladbrokes.
Sheffield United learn their fate next week and plenty of the Harrow-based firm's punters are anticipating good news for the Blades - an extended top flight has been backed into 4/1 from 5/1.
Ladbrokes spokesman, Nick Weinberg, said: "The curtain appears to be coming down on the Carlos Tevez saga. And our customers certainly think there's a very real possibility of an encore for Sheffield United next term."
The Blades are 7/2 to go further than West Ham in the FA Cup and the same price to last longer in next season's League Cup.
It would be so nice to see this thing come properly to fruition. I want things to stay as fair as possible in Football. I know it's far more trendy to let money rule the game.. but then where is the sport?
While we are all on pins and needles awaiting this outcome, Steve and our son James in particular, will be so happy if Sheffield United is returned to Premiership Status. And Steve could use a little sunshine just now. Meanwhile, I am grateful for the public stance that fairness will prevail.
Until the official announcement, we still wait.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
On another note, we were a little red-faced and a lot guilt stricken after we complained that the rain we experienced the other evening caused our newly stained deck to become sticky and need redoing. News from the UK of the flooding in England as well as news across the US of the flooding on and about the Texas/Oklahoma border put us back in our place right quick! Made us realize that we should not need reminders in order to be thankful for all that we have! So sad to see so many folks put out of their homes. My hopes and prayers for those involved are that family members are not separated from one another as they were in New Orleans. Knowing my Steve, we'll be involved in clean up somewhere!
In New Jersey, we have had bits of rain on and off for the past week, but it's been a pleasant respite from the unusually high temperatures. The rain has also assured that the flora are magnificent this year; for that I am truly thankful. Matter of fact, I am headed out to the gardens right now... with a spirit of gratitude...
Stay safe!
CM
--
Alba go bragh!
"Life is no brief candle. It's a sort of splendid torch, so make it burn as bright as possible." --George Bernard Shaw
Just saw this on: READABET dot COM
A gamble is developing on the possibility of a 21-team Premiership next season, according to Ladbrokes.
Sheffield United learn their fate next week and plenty of the Harrow-based firm's punters are anticipating good news for the Blades - an extended top flight has been backed into 4/1 from 5/1.
Ladbrokes spokesman, Nick Weinberg, said: "The curtain appears to be coming down on the Carlos Tevez saga. And our customers certainly think there's a very real possibility of an encore for Sheffield United next term."
The Blades are 7/2 to go further than West Ham in the FA Cup and the same price to last longer in next season's League Cup.
It would be so nice to see this thing come properly to fruition. I want things to stay as fair as possible in Football. I know it's far more trendy to let money rule the game.. but then where is the sport?
While we are all on pins and needles awaiting this outcome, Steve and our son James in particular, will be so happy if Sheffield United is returned to Premiership Status. And Steve could use a little sunshine just now. Meanwhile, I am grateful for the public stance that fairness will prevail.
Until the official announcement, we still wait.
On another note, we were a little red-faced and a lot guilt stricken after we complained that the rain we experienced the other evening caused our newly stained deck to become sticky and need redoing. News from the UK of the flooding in England as well as news across the US of the flooding on and about the Texas/Oklahoma border put us back in our place right quick! Made us realize that we should not need reminders in order to be thankful for all that we have! So sad to see so many folks put out of their homes. My hopes and prayers for those involved are that family members are not separated from one another as they were in New Orleans. Knowing my Steve, we'll be involved in clean up somewhere!
In New Jersey, we have had bits of rain on and off for the past week, but it's been a pleasant respite from the unusually high temperatures. The rain has also assured that the flora are magnificent this year; for that I am truly thankful. Matter of fact, I am headed out to the gardens right now... with a spirit of gratitude...
Stay safe!
CM
--
Alba go bragh!
"Life is no brief candle. It's a sort of splendid torch, so make it burn as bright as possible." --George Bernard Shaw
Monday, May 7, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS and TIME PASSAGES...
Been a while since I have written here.
This is actually good news.
The weather in NJ has been sensational. Lots of time outdoors, tending to the gardens, playing soccer or softball... a little B-ball and of course some hide and seek. It's good for the soul - and good for the muse! Our property, just now, is awash with color. All our trees blooming at peak. Magnolias offer the deep burgundies and pinks, Lilacs for lavenders and whites, and Dogwoods for the yellows and ivories I love so much. Ground covered with a rainbow of Pansies, Tulips and Daffodils heralding the soon to bloom Azaleas also in whites, raspberry reds and purples. Our Lilies have begun to make their presence known; the grasses are about nine to ten inches high already and the Hostas that offer white and lavender trumpet blooms have popped through the surface and sprouted almost overnight into puff-balls of giant green leaves! How I love this!
Gardening is a family event at our house. We have several acres, two of which are gardens. I full acre is designated Kitchen Garden and the rest is flora. Our flowers are mostly perennials. Steve and I design and plan the layout for the vegetable gardens every autumn for the following year. We weed through tons of seed catalogs and place our orders in late October for November arrival. We plant in January so they are mature enough to take outside by end of May. Steve and the boys (Michael, Gabriel, James, Danny and this year Liam, too) do the heavy work while the girls and I tend to the weeding and pruning. It's been that way since Michael was a baby. When Gabe arrived, first thing Michael taught him - once he learned to walk - was how to pull a weed. It just naturally evolved into a family activity. Now standing at 6'6" (in bare feet), they both tower over the rest of us, including their dad. He and I will be tilling the soil this weekend and they will be here on the weekend after the 15th to help transplant all the vegetables from the greenhouse. I am hoping, but don't fully trust that the last frost will have hit us by then...
Currently, it's all about the flowers; my little ones are having a wonderful time surprising me with bouquets to place in my vases and set upon my desk. Today, for example, I have an antique glass vase filled with a magnificent array of colorful, fragrant roses that Steve brought me on Friday, two vases with pansies the kids brought me from the gardens, and a crystal vase of white Calla Lilies Steve brought me on Sunday. Callas were my mother's favorite. She passed away in 1996 and for some reason, I was missing her so terribly last week... On Sunday morning when Steve went out to get the papers and Sunday treats, he saw the flowers and brought them home to me. How thoughtful is he? I am one lucky woman and I know it! How could I help but love him so much!
Anyway, I was telling you about my office... My windowsills are adorned with vases of more white Calla Lilies from the kids who liked their dad's idea, and several planters of white daises which happen to be my favorite flower. My office now looks like a Garden of Eden... and smells so delightful it's difficult for me to leave it. Matter of fact, yesterday, I found Steve in here reading his Sports Pages and grinning ear to ear... This morning, Faith was in here studying for an exam she'll be taking later this afternoon - Physics, yeccch! (Better her than me!)
Note to self: Buy lock for Office.
The really wonderful thing about all this gardening business, besides the perk that we spend so much time together as a family, is that it serves us all season long and encourages Michael and Gabe (and their sensational girlfriends) to come home a lot for eats-outta-the-garden. Michael lives in Hoboken in an awesome loft overlooking the Hudson. (Steve and I would like to have it.) In five minutes he's in Manhattan to work. Gabe lives on Long Island where he is attending University, but has plans to move to Manhattan next year.
We planted a tree for each child as they arrived... They shade the gardens now...
Where did the years go?
- - - - - o0o - - - - - o0o - - - - -
Yesterday, I begged off the afternoon game of freeze tag in order to resume my position as responsible adult. While the kids were playing, I finally took the computer out to the deck and wrote for about two hours. Heaven on earth! I so enjoy being the house in the neighborhood where all the kids gather. Selfishly, uh, it makes me feel young to know they all like it here; protectively, it's comforting and calming to know where my kids are, what they are doing - and with whom; conclusively, it's all good! The neighborhood kids all know they can come to Steve or me if there should ever be any trouble. There is no messin' wit us!
Note to self: Forget about the lock.
Michael told us over the weekend that he's been offered a promotion already... Gabe graduates University in a few more days and has secured a wonderful position with Capitol Records who have just merged with ( i.e. taken over) his former employer, Virgin. Faith starts college in August and has, after a year of searching, investigating, and interviewing, chosen a University in Pennsylvania - just outside Philly. Only an hour away! Steve and I are ecstatic that she's decided not to accept the invitation from UCLA! -- Nothing against UCLA, mind you, except that it's, uh, so far away. In spite of our delight over the proximity, for some reason we are both taking this transition really hard.
I was sick when Michael left for college, better when Gabe left, though still dreadfully unhappy for more than just a few days, but with Faith going, I can't explain it; we're both messed up over it. Isn't that odd; I thought it would get easier, but it is clearly the opposite.
Next year we will bid Destiny a college adieu and no matter how difficult it may be, Steve and I are determined that it will be a time for celebration. Four years ago at this time, we thought we were going to lose her to leukemia. But a wonderful stranger came forth with a bone marrow donation that saved her life and there has been no sign of any cancer ever since. Thank God for that wonderful young man.
Until then, we get more primary school and high school fun! Let me count the ways... Liam will be four on August 4th - entering his second year of pre-school in September, Christina will be nine on July 22nd - entering fourth grade in September, Danny will be eleven on August 10th - entering sixth grade in September , Daisy will be twelve on January 8th - she'll be in seventh grade, James will be thirteen on November 6th - he'll be in eighth grade! So there will be carpooling, games, concerts, plays, recitals, homework... projects, and family dinners with ever more and more room appearing around the table... *sigh*
Where do the years go?!
As for Steve and me... we keep on keepin' on. Still diggin' each other - still playin', laughin', dancin', makin' music, and makin' love. My antique silver mirror that he gave me when we made our commitment to one another back in '78 still sits on the dresser... but, if I may steal a line from a movie, "the reflection's changed a bit".
We know how blessed we are, but still I wonder... Where do the years go?
Time goes, you say?
Alas, oh no.
Time stays;
We go...
Wonder if Austin Dobson was feeling as melancholy and random as I do today when he wrote that little verse...
I adore the adults my children are becoming but oh how I miss my babies...
CM
This is actually good news.
The weather in NJ has been sensational. Lots of time outdoors, tending to the gardens, playing soccer or softball... a little B-ball and of course some hide and seek. It's good for the soul - and good for the muse! Our property, just now, is awash with color. All our trees blooming at peak. Magnolias offer the deep burgundies and pinks, Lilacs for lavenders and whites, and Dogwoods for the yellows and ivories I love so much. Ground covered with a rainbow of Pansies, Tulips and Daffodils heralding the soon to bloom Azaleas also in whites, raspberry reds and purples. Our Lilies have begun to make their presence known; the grasses are about nine to ten inches high already and the Hostas that offer white and lavender trumpet blooms have popped through the surface and sprouted almost overnight into puff-balls of giant green leaves! How I love this!
Gardening is a family event at our house. We have several acres, two of which are gardens. I full acre is designated Kitchen Garden and the rest is flora. Our flowers are mostly perennials. Steve and I design and plan the layout for the vegetable gardens every autumn for the following year. We weed through tons of seed catalogs and place our orders in late October for November arrival. We plant in January so they are mature enough to take outside by end of May. Steve and the boys (Michael, Gabriel, James, Danny and this year Liam, too) do the heavy work while the girls and I tend to the weeding and pruning. It's been that way since Michael was a baby. When Gabe arrived, first thing Michael taught him - once he learned to walk - was how to pull a weed. It just naturally evolved into a family activity. Now standing at 6'6" (in bare feet), they both tower over the rest of us, including their dad. He and I will be tilling the soil this weekend and they will be here on the weekend after the 15th to help transplant all the vegetables from the greenhouse. I am hoping, but don't fully trust that the last frost will have hit us by then...
Currently, it's all about the flowers; my little ones are having a wonderful time surprising me with bouquets to place in my vases and set upon my desk. Today, for example, I have an antique glass vase filled with a magnificent array of colorful, fragrant roses that Steve brought me on Friday, two vases with pansies the kids brought me from the gardens, and a crystal vase of white Calla Lilies Steve brought me on Sunday. Callas were my mother's favorite. She passed away in 1996 and for some reason, I was missing her so terribly last week... On Sunday morning when Steve went out to get the papers and Sunday treats, he saw the flowers and brought them home to me. How thoughtful is he? I am one lucky woman and I know it! How could I help but love him so much!
Anyway, I was telling you about my office... My windowsills are adorned with vases of more white Calla Lilies from the kids who liked their dad's idea, and several planters of white daises which happen to be my favorite flower. My office now looks like a Garden of Eden... and smells so delightful it's difficult for me to leave it. Matter of fact, yesterday, I found Steve in here reading his Sports Pages and grinning ear to ear... This morning, Faith was in here studying for an exam she'll be taking later this afternoon - Physics, yeccch! (Better her than me!)
Note to self: Buy lock for Office.
The really wonderful thing about all this gardening business, besides the perk that we spend so much time together as a family, is that it serves us all season long and encourages Michael and Gabe (and their sensational girlfriends) to come home a lot for eats-outta-the-garden. Michael lives in Hoboken in an awesome loft overlooking the Hudson. (Steve and I would like to have it.) In five minutes he's in Manhattan to work. Gabe lives on Long Island where he is attending University, but has plans to move to Manhattan next year.
We planted a tree for each child as they arrived... They shade the gardens now...
Where did the years go?
- - - - - o0o - - - - - o0o - - - - -
Yesterday, I begged off the afternoon game of freeze tag in order to resume my position as responsible adult. While the kids were playing, I finally took the computer out to the deck and wrote for about two hours. Heaven on earth! I so enjoy being the house in the neighborhood where all the kids gather. Selfishly, uh, it makes me feel young to know they all like it here; protectively, it's comforting and calming to know where my kids are, what they are doing - and with whom; conclusively, it's all good! The neighborhood kids all know they can come to Steve or me if there should ever be any trouble. There is no messin' wit us!
Note to self: Forget about the lock.
Michael told us over the weekend that he's been offered a promotion already... Gabe graduates University in a few more days and has secured a wonderful position with Capitol Records who have just merged with ( i.e. taken over) his former employer, Virgin. Faith starts college in August and has, after a year of searching, investigating, and interviewing, chosen a University in Pennsylvania - just outside Philly. Only an hour away! Steve and I are ecstatic that she's decided not to accept the invitation from UCLA! -- Nothing against UCLA, mind you, except that it's, uh, so far away. In spite of our delight over the proximity, for some reason we are both taking this transition really hard.
I was sick when Michael left for college, better when Gabe left, though still dreadfully unhappy for more than just a few days, but with Faith going, I can't explain it; we're both messed up over it. Isn't that odd; I thought it would get easier, but it is clearly the opposite.
Next year we will bid Destiny a college adieu and no matter how difficult it may be, Steve and I are determined that it will be a time for celebration. Four years ago at this time, we thought we were going to lose her to leukemia. But a wonderful stranger came forth with a bone marrow donation that saved her life and there has been no sign of any cancer ever since. Thank God for that wonderful young man.
Until then, we get more primary school and high school fun! Let me count the ways... Liam will be four on August 4th - entering his second year of pre-school in September, Christina will be nine on July 22nd - entering fourth grade in September, Danny will be eleven on August 10th - entering sixth grade in September , Daisy will be twelve on January 8th - she'll be in seventh grade, James will be thirteen on November 6th - he'll be in eighth grade! So there will be carpooling, games, concerts, plays, recitals, homework... projects, and family dinners with ever more and more room appearing around the table... *sigh*
Where do the years go?!
As for Steve and me... we keep on keepin' on. Still diggin' each other - still playin', laughin', dancin', makin' music, and makin' love. My antique silver mirror that he gave me when we made our commitment to one another back in '78 still sits on the dresser... but, if I may steal a line from a movie, "the reflection's changed a bit".
We know how blessed we are, but still I wonder... Where do the years go?
Alas, oh no.
Time stays;
We go...
Wonder if Austin Dobson was feeling as melancholy and random as I do today when he wrote that little verse...
I adore the adults my children are becoming but oh how I miss my babies...
CM
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