Steve's dad died Sunday.
We got the call from the UK at around 6pm (edst). It was sudden and unexpected.
We're feverishly packing and preparing for the transatlantic flight to take us home to Scotland this evening. This is when we feel so far away... Please keep us in your thoughts I always have a bit of fear when my entire family is on one flight and that is indeed what we are doing... I know it's silly, but it scares me. (Continental 36)
As for our return to New Jersey, I think we will be heading home on Saturday and Sunday. After much discussion and tearful decision making, we have come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is stagger the homecomings to suit everyone in the best possible way. Steve and the boys will be coming home on Saturday to attend Gabe's graduation from University and I will stay one more day and bring mother in law and the younger girls home with me on Sunday. Difficult decision for us to make, having me miss Gabe's graduation, but he was so generous about it, fully understanding that I need to be there for my mother in law... (Can I mix being so proud of my loving son and so hurt for Steve without some kind of mental crash?) Older sisters, Faith and Destiny, want to stay in Scotland for a week or so, but they all have to be back for Faith's graduation on June 9th.
Steve is not taking this well. He and his dad were very close - even talking on the phone Sunday afternoon while they were watching the games on opposite sides of the pond. Carrying on over West Ham's ostensibly illegal win... They always did that when there was a game. It ws only hours later, we got the call letting us know that Grandy went into renal failure and they had taken him to hospital via Emergency Services. "Stay by the phone," they said, "He's going to go..." We had gone out with some friends to console Steve over the corruption and demise of soccer but came racing home to sit and stare silently at the phone. Friends wanted to come with us to 'be there for' Steve, but he waved them off. (In all these years I don't think I have ever seen my darling truly terrified before.)
In another few hours, his father was gone. He'd been sick on and off since Christmas, but last week when Steve flew over to visit with him, he seemed so much better. Steve came home quite happy with his dad's progress, even talking about the likely possibility of flying his parents over for Faith's graduation.
Steve says he does not want to watch football (soccer) any more without his dad, but soccer and fishing are his sports passions so I have to believe that, in time, he will be all right watching it again... Today, he's been walking around aimlessly... Not speaking, not eating... It's heart wrenching to see him like this. I want to do something to make it all go away for him, but I know he has to go through it in his own way, his own time. Still...
Hard to say good bye to someone who was so good to me, who meant so much to my husband and our family. Harder still to see Steve in so much pain and be able to do nothing.
Remember me with smiles and laughter
For that is how I'll remember you all.
If you can only remember me with tears,
Then I'd rather you didn't remember me at all... --Michael Landon
All for now...
CM
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS and TIME PASSAGES...
Been a while since I have written here.
This is actually good news.
The weather in NJ has been sensational. Lots of time outdoors, tending to the gardens, playing soccer or softball... a little B-ball and of course some hide and seek. It's good for the soul - and good for the muse! Our property, just now, is awash with color. All our trees blooming at peak. Magnolias offer the deep burgundies and pinks, Lilacs for lavenders and whites, and Dogwoods for the yellows and ivories I love so much. Ground covered with a rainbow of Pansies, Tulips and Daffodils heralding the soon to bloom Azaleas also in whites, raspberry reds and purples. Our Lilies have begun to make their presence known; the grasses are about nine to ten inches high already and the Hostas that offer white and lavender trumpet blooms have popped through the surface and sprouted almost overnight into puff-balls of giant green leaves! How I love this!
Gardening is a family event at our house. We have several acres, two of which are gardens. I full acre is designated Kitchen Garden and the rest is flora. Our flowers are mostly perennials. Steve and I design and plan the layout for the vegetable gardens every autumn for the following year. We weed through tons of seed catalogs and place our orders in late October for November arrival. We plant in January so they are mature enough to take outside by end of May. Steve and the boys (Michael, Gabriel, James, Danny and this year Liam, too) do the heavy work while the girls and I tend to the weeding and pruning. It's been that way since Michael was a baby. When Gabe arrived, first thing Michael taught him - once he learned to walk - was how to pull a weed. It just naturally evolved into a family activity. Now standing at 6'6" (in bare feet), they both tower over the rest of us, including their dad. He and I will be tilling the soil this weekend and they will be here on the weekend after the 15th to help transplant all the vegetables from the greenhouse. I am hoping, but don't fully trust that the last frost will have hit us by then...
Currently, it's all about the flowers; my little ones are having a wonderful time surprising me with bouquets to place in my vases and set upon my desk. Today, for example, I have an antique glass vase filled with a magnificent array of colorful, fragrant roses that Steve brought me on Friday, two vases with pansies the kids brought me from the gardens, and a crystal vase of white Calla Lilies Steve brought me on Sunday. Callas were my mother's favorite. She passed away in 1996 and for some reason, I was missing her so terribly last week... On Sunday morning when Steve went out to get the papers and Sunday treats, he saw the flowers and brought them home to me. How thoughtful is he? I am one lucky woman and I know it! How could I help but love him so much!
Anyway, I was telling you about my office... My windowsills are adorned with vases of more white Calla Lilies from the kids who liked their dad's idea, and several planters of white daises which happen to be my favorite flower. My office now looks like a Garden of Eden... and smells so delightful it's difficult for me to leave it. Matter of fact, yesterday, I found Steve in here reading his Sports Pages and grinning ear to ear... This morning, Faith was in here studying for an exam she'll be taking later this afternoon - Physics, yeccch! (Better her than me!)
Note to self: Buy lock for Office.
The really wonderful thing about all this gardening business, besides the perk that we spend so much time together as a family, is that it serves us all season long and encourages Michael and Gabe (and their sensational girlfriends) to come home a lot for eats-outta-the-garden. Michael lives in Hoboken in an awesome loft overlooking the Hudson. (Steve and I would like to have it.) In five minutes he's in Manhattan to work. Gabe lives on Long Island where he is attending University, but has plans to move to Manhattan next year.
We planted a tree for each child as they arrived... They shade the gardens now...
Where did the years go?
- - - - - o0o - - - - - o0o - - - - -
Yesterday, I begged off the afternoon game of freeze tag in order to resume my position as responsible adult. While the kids were playing, I finally took the computer out to the deck and wrote for about two hours. Heaven on earth! I so enjoy being the house in the neighborhood where all the kids gather. Selfishly, uh, it makes me feel young to know they all like it here; protectively, it's comforting and calming to know where my kids are, what they are doing - and with whom; conclusively, it's all good! The neighborhood kids all know they can come to Steve or me if there should ever be any trouble. There is no messin' wit us!
Note to self: Forget about the lock.
Michael told us over the weekend that he's been offered a promotion already... Gabe graduates University in a few more days and has secured a wonderful position with Capitol Records who have just merged with ( i.e. taken over) his former employer, Virgin. Faith starts college in August and has, after a year of searching, investigating, and interviewing, chosen a University in Pennsylvania - just outside Philly. Only an hour away! Steve and I are ecstatic that she's decided not to accept the invitation from UCLA! -- Nothing against UCLA, mind you, except that it's, uh, so far away. In spite of our delight over the proximity, for some reason we are both taking this transition really hard.
I was sick when Michael left for college, better when Gabe left, though still dreadfully unhappy for more than just a few days, but with Faith going, I can't explain it; we're both messed up over it. Isn't that odd; I thought it would get easier, but it is clearly the opposite.
Next year we will bid Destiny a college adieu and no matter how difficult it may be, Steve and I are determined that it will be a time for celebration. Four years ago at this time, we thought we were going to lose her to leukemia. But a wonderful stranger came forth with a bone marrow donation that saved her life and there has been no sign of any cancer ever since. Thank God for that wonderful young man.
Until then, we get more primary school and high school fun! Let me count the ways... Liam will be four on August 4th - entering his second year of pre-school in September, Christina will be nine on July 22nd - entering fourth grade in September, Danny will be eleven on August 10th - entering sixth grade in September , Daisy will be twelve on January 8th - she'll be in seventh grade, James will be thirteen on November 6th - he'll be in eighth grade! So there will be carpooling, games, concerts, plays, recitals, homework... projects, and family dinners with ever more and more room appearing around the table... *sigh*
Where do the years go?!
As for Steve and me... we keep on keepin' on. Still diggin' each other - still playin', laughin', dancin', makin' music, and makin' love. My antique silver mirror that he gave me when we made our commitment to one another back in '78 still sits on the dresser... but, if I may steal a line from a movie, "the reflection's changed a bit".
We know how blessed we are, but still I wonder... Where do the years go?
Time goes, you say?
Alas, oh no.
Time stays;
We go...
Wonder if Austin Dobson was feeling as melancholy and random as I do today when he wrote that little verse...
I adore the adults my children are becoming but oh how I miss my babies...
CM
This is actually good news.
The weather in NJ has been sensational. Lots of time outdoors, tending to the gardens, playing soccer or softball... a little B-ball and of course some hide and seek. It's good for the soul - and good for the muse! Our property, just now, is awash with color. All our trees blooming at peak. Magnolias offer the deep burgundies and pinks, Lilacs for lavenders and whites, and Dogwoods for the yellows and ivories I love so much. Ground covered with a rainbow of Pansies, Tulips and Daffodils heralding the soon to bloom Azaleas also in whites, raspberry reds and purples. Our Lilies have begun to make their presence known; the grasses are about nine to ten inches high already and the Hostas that offer white and lavender trumpet blooms have popped through the surface and sprouted almost overnight into puff-balls of giant green leaves! How I love this!
Gardening is a family event at our house. We have several acres, two of which are gardens. I full acre is designated Kitchen Garden and the rest is flora. Our flowers are mostly perennials. Steve and I design and plan the layout for the vegetable gardens every autumn for the following year. We weed through tons of seed catalogs and place our orders in late October for November arrival. We plant in January so they are mature enough to take outside by end of May. Steve and the boys (Michael, Gabriel, James, Danny and this year Liam, too) do the heavy work while the girls and I tend to the weeding and pruning. It's been that way since Michael was a baby. When Gabe arrived, first thing Michael taught him - once he learned to walk - was how to pull a weed. It just naturally evolved into a family activity. Now standing at 6'6" (in bare feet), they both tower over the rest of us, including their dad. He and I will be tilling the soil this weekend and they will be here on the weekend after the 15th to help transplant all the vegetables from the greenhouse. I am hoping, but don't fully trust that the last frost will have hit us by then...
Currently, it's all about the flowers; my little ones are having a wonderful time surprising me with bouquets to place in my vases and set upon my desk. Today, for example, I have an antique glass vase filled with a magnificent array of colorful, fragrant roses that Steve brought me on Friday, two vases with pansies the kids brought me from the gardens, and a crystal vase of white Calla Lilies Steve brought me on Sunday. Callas were my mother's favorite. She passed away in 1996 and for some reason, I was missing her so terribly last week... On Sunday morning when Steve went out to get the papers and Sunday treats, he saw the flowers and brought them home to me. How thoughtful is he? I am one lucky woman and I know it! How could I help but love him so much!
Anyway, I was telling you about my office... My windowsills are adorned with vases of more white Calla Lilies from the kids who liked their dad's idea, and several planters of white daises which happen to be my favorite flower. My office now looks like a Garden of Eden... and smells so delightful it's difficult for me to leave it. Matter of fact, yesterday, I found Steve in here reading his Sports Pages and grinning ear to ear... This morning, Faith was in here studying for an exam she'll be taking later this afternoon - Physics, yeccch! (Better her than me!)
Note to self: Buy lock for Office.
The really wonderful thing about all this gardening business, besides the perk that we spend so much time together as a family, is that it serves us all season long and encourages Michael and Gabe (and their sensational girlfriends) to come home a lot for eats-outta-the-garden. Michael lives in Hoboken in an awesome loft overlooking the Hudson. (Steve and I would like to have it.) In five minutes he's in Manhattan to work. Gabe lives on Long Island where he is attending University, but has plans to move to Manhattan next year.
We planted a tree for each child as they arrived... They shade the gardens now...
Where did the years go?
- - - - - o0o - - - - - o0o - - - - -
Yesterday, I begged off the afternoon game of freeze tag in order to resume my position as responsible adult. While the kids were playing, I finally took the computer out to the deck and wrote for about two hours. Heaven on earth! I so enjoy being the house in the neighborhood where all the kids gather. Selfishly, uh, it makes me feel young to know they all like it here; protectively, it's comforting and calming to know where my kids are, what they are doing - and with whom; conclusively, it's all good! The neighborhood kids all know they can come to Steve or me if there should ever be any trouble. There is no messin' wit us!
Note to self: Forget about the lock.
Michael told us over the weekend that he's been offered a promotion already... Gabe graduates University in a few more days and has secured a wonderful position with Capitol Records who have just merged with ( i.e. taken over) his former employer, Virgin. Faith starts college in August and has, after a year of searching, investigating, and interviewing, chosen a University in Pennsylvania - just outside Philly. Only an hour away! Steve and I are ecstatic that she's decided not to accept the invitation from UCLA! -- Nothing against UCLA, mind you, except that it's, uh, so far away. In spite of our delight over the proximity, for some reason we are both taking this transition really hard.
I was sick when Michael left for college, better when Gabe left, though still dreadfully unhappy for more than just a few days, but with Faith going, I can't explain it; we're both messed up over it. Isn't that odd; I thought it would get easier, but it is clearly the opposite.
Next year we will bid Destiny a college adieu and no matter how difficult it may be, Steve and I are determined that it will be a time for celebration. Four years ago at this time, we thought we were going to lose her to leukemia. But a wonderful stranger came forth with a bone marrow donation that saved her life and there has been no sign of any cancer ever since. Thank God for that wonderful young man.
Until then, we get more primary school and high school fun! Let me count the ways... Liam will be four on August 4th - entering his second year of pre-school in September, Christina will be nine on July 22nd - entering fourth grade in September, Danny will be eleven on August 10th - entering sixth grade in September , Daisy will be twelve on January 8th - she'll be in seventh grade, James will be thirteen on November 6th - he'll be in eighth grade! So there will be carpooling, games, concerts, plays, recitals, homework... projects, and family dinners with ever more and more room appearing around the table... *sigh*
Where do the years go?!
As for Steve and me... we keep on keepin' on. Still diggin' each other - still playin', laughin', dancin', makin' music, and makin' love. My antique silver mirror that he gave me when we made our commitment to one another back in '78 still sits on the dresser... but, if I may steal a line from a movie, "the reflection's changed a bit".
We know how blessed we are, but still I wonder... Where do the years go?
Alas, oh no.
Time stays;
We go...
Wonder if Austin Dobson was feeling as melancholy and random as I do today when he wrote that little verse...
I adore the adults my children are becoming but oh how I miss my babies...
CM
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