April 09, 2009
"I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all." – Leo Rosten
Nothing special today. Still anguishing over the job situation... I'm not at all sure that the way CD wants me to handle all this is indeed responsible or compassionate. She serves an every-man-for-himself mentality. That is something I have never subscribed to. I was not raised that way, in spite of the years I spent in foster care. I never adopted that train of thought, but rather, I gleaned my lessons from Ronnie, who sacrificed himself on a daily basis to keep me free from harm.
I realize we must put away the things of childhood, but back then, I was convinced (and I guess I still am) he was an angel sent to me. I know it's naive, but I want to be that to others. I want to be the angel who made a difference in a family, to a child, to my friends...
How, then, can I remain true to myself if I turn around at this point in time and act otherwise. How then, can I suddenly become so self serving? There is no glory is manipulating others to serve my need for an income. I just don't think I could ever find happiness again if I use others, if I act like that now when things are bad for everyone. It's not who I am and not who I want to be.
CM
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