THE PERFECT MUSE (or... What to do with a Hill a' Beans!)

I'll share two more happenings that revolve (sort of) around British Actor Sean Bean's being an integral muse in my latest project. Two incidents that have indeed contributed to the huge amount of fun I am having with it, and then the topic of Bean really has to close. (He's taking over! Gotta nip that in the bud. I am a grown woman, not a silly schoolgirl. I will not obsess over some actor... even if he does have a voice that could melt the polar ice cap... I will not obsess. I will not. I will not. I will... not.)

Okay, I am teasing. I am not obsessing over an actor, although given some of the things I have read online lately, that does appear to make me somewhat of an oddball.

Anyway, my first tale is of something that happened between Steve and I. As you know, I'd downloaded some photos of Bean, three to be exact, to place on my storyboard and because I had decided to write longhand for a while, I decided to put one of them on the computer as my desktop wallpaper so it would be, uh, well, in my face. The shot was a very tight close up in which he is masterfully exhibiting a thoughtful sadness, a loneliness. His expression is perfectly in tune with the passage with which I am currently struggling. I am at a point where I must write a particularly heart-wrenching experience for Logan and I tend to rely upon outside stimuli for that type of thing rather than force myself to use my own life experiences to draw on emotionally. I still cry when I am writing it, but my tears are for the character, as I am avoiding the need to call upon painful memories of my own. This photograph was the last one I found. The one that brought about the EUREKA! reaction I wrote of in DISMUSED. (See: 3/07 entry, DISMUSED)

Now, my eight year old wandered in to my office looking for a book to read and to hang with mom. (I love when they do that...) As she curled up on the sofa and pulled the throw over herself, she glanced over to my computer, noticed the photo of Bean, and with an impish grin announced she was going to tell her father.

She didn't come back in, but Steve did.

Now, this is as good a time as any to point out that my Steve is the ultimate muse. He is and always has been my own personal Mac Dreamy. Standing at six foot, two with broad, muscular shoulders and a thirty-three inch waist, he is the epitome of "handsome and rugged". With piercing green eyes that can be so dark they sometimes look black, unusually smooth olive complected skin, thick wavy black hair with a touch of salt and pepper at the temples, and a deep raspy voice, Steve is truly the kind of man people write about.

And there is a lot to write.

Once you get past the titillating exterior there is so much more. Well-read, talented, artistic and creative, he is also a man of great integrity and character. His devotion to this family knows no bounds. First of all, he puts up with me and... that makes him admirable on so many levels! A world-class husband and dad, he is generous, affectionate, loving and ever available to the kids and me; a good example twenty-four, seven.

If you'll kindly excuse the expression, "a good citizen of the world", I'll throw that in the mix, too. I know it sounds cliché, but he really is. He cares, with all his heart, that what we leave for our children, by way of environment, politics, and religion is all that it can be and he unwaveringly leads our family in that pursuit. In addition to that, he is the kind of man to whom people naturally gravitate; everyone likes to be around him. He's extremely warm and approachable, lighthearted and easygoing. A quick wit, he's always at the ready with a handy quip or a full-fledged anecdote that could rival any stand-up comic out there. And while his humor and practical jokes are legendary amongst our family and friends, he can turn on a dime when someone needs help. Whenever there is trouble or need, Steve is always the first one on the scene and the last one to leave, selflessly lifting spirits, moving mountains, and offering support.

He consistently raises the bar for me and our kids in every arena, be it work, school, music, sports, volunteering... From simple every-day tasks like picking up after himself or partnering with me in tending to our gardens - to contributing to a positive outcome in the grand scheme of things by volunteering our family for Habitat of Humanity or stopping everything and packing us all up to help clean up New Orleans, he puts forth his best effort, and readily exposes his deepest feelings. The rest of us just naturally follow suit. I admire him, I look up to him, and I aspire to be like him -- even after all these years... And I know our kids feel the same way.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Now, as I said, our eight year old had gone to tattle that mommy had a picture of a man on her computer and it wasn't daddy.

The idea that Steve could have more than a little fun with this was not lost on him, not for a second. So in he comes all cute and nosy, looking to see who, what, where and why. He sashayed over to me at the desk and leaned in to share a sweet kiss while glancing sideways at the computer. "What goes on here?" he asked, hovering over me authoritatively.

Embarrassed, I leaned forward, crossed my arms over the screen to shield it from his glare, and feigned innocence, "Uh, Nothing... Nothing. It's nothing, just a picture of that actor... uh, what's-his-name."

"Whatshisname." Steve echoed sternly.

"Yeah, you know, that one I am using for my muse. Whatshisname. The British actor." My attempt at nonchalance was a miserable failure.

"Sean Bean." His tone was unreadable.

"Yes, yes; that's it. Bean." I didn't look at him because I knew he wasn't buying this act for a second.

He went on to say he did not know if he liked this Bean business, and it became apparent as he glanced around my office noting the three photos of the dashing actor on my story board, that my Stevie suddenly felt he had something to, uh, prove. ...So, he locked the door and we had ourselves a TIME. (Not that we aren't always having ourselves a Time, but this one was unexpected and particularly Fun.)

It's official: I must send our Mr. Bean a Thank you! Maybe I'll send one to his parents too...

- - - - - - - - - - - -

When Steve and I were fin... uh, afterward, I cooed something about removing the photo of Bean from my desktop and replacing it with the one of the two of us that had been there before. He stretched, wrapped his arms around me and laughed, saying there was no need; he knew Bean was no threat to him. I liked that.

He was right...

___________________

The Second Story is much shorter. Although it is no less fun for the eleven of us, here in the land of Awwwwwwww's.

My online searches for photographs of Bean had led me to several sites built in his honor. And I have indeed communicated with some of the frequent visitors there who have been more than gracious in offering information that assisted me in ultimately locating the shots I chose.

Last week I received an email from one of these women asking me if I owned any of Bean's movies and if I would like the ones I did not already have. I responded that I did not have any at all, adding that I might be interested in borrowing a SHARPE or two - given that I had, once upon a time, enjoyed the books. Wasn't that nice of her...

Saturday, my UPS guy delivered a huge box.

With the exception of SHARPE'S CHALLENGE, which has apparently been released on DVD ONLY, I think this young woman has sent me everything he has ever done. From the entire SHARPE series to SILENT HILL, including TV appearances, interview/talk shows, guest shots and commercials - even commercials where he does a voice-over, there must be forty tapes... It seems she has recently, making partial use of a hefty tax refund, replaced all her VHS Bean with DVD Bean and I am the beneficiary of her efforts. How cool is THAT!

I asked Steve to build me a new shelf unit for my newly acquired Hill 'a Beans, but he hasn't answered me yet...

If I play my cards right, shelves or no, maybe he'll feel he has something to prove.

God bless you, Sean Bean, wherever you are!!

CM

Read some excerpts from BEHIND THE WALL