4/8/2009 Muse Abuse... or The mystery of the Wandering Muse!

Quote of the Day
"Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

About Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson helped spark the transcendentalist movement with the essay Nature, which described his belief in the spiritual essence of humanity and the natural world. He was born in Boston in 1803. He was a Unitarian minister until he resigned in 1832 to become a philosopher and writer. He suffered the untimely deaths of many of his loved ones: three brothers, his first wife at age 20, and his eldest son at age five. Emerson died in 1882.


I chose this quote today because I've been concerned about having seemingly lost my passion for the story I had been living and breathing for this past three years. It's dried up. Gonzo. Kaput!

Yesterday, in lamenting its apparent demise to a friend, I became confused over how it all started in the first place, and I referred back to my online novel journal to jog my memory. I read how the story so vividly came to life in my head, that it awoke me form my sleep and sent me running to my keyboard in the pre-dawn quiet. What an exciting, exhilarating, inspiring moment of enlightenment, and, yes, renewed passion I experienced while tip-toeing through the memories!

It was indeed passion that stirred the cup of inspiration on that warm summer evening back in 2006, and gave birth to Logan and Cassie et al. And it was indeed passion that caused them to quiet in my mind and appear to run off perhaps to take up residence with someone else's muse. Now, albeit faintly, I can hear them chuckling. "You shouldn't have taken us for granted. If you behave, we'll come back and tell you the rest of the story..."

I'm deciding... LOL

CM

CAN'T HELP MYSELF...

I am so delighted with this video of Sean Bean, my muse for Logan...
He is on ABC's ROSIE O'DONNELL SHOW discussing LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING



Thanks to Destiny for this!

I particularly like the end where he says, "I'll have another one" and then plays with the action figures like a little boy... I saw a clip of Ian McKellen doing the same thing with his action figure from LOTR... Absolutely charming. (Steve would do the same thing...) Uh... wouldn't those action figures be lovely items for my keepsake box?

You Tube Credit goes to: mirorimij (Title: Sean Bean Interview)

--o0o--

Next up is a video of him being interviewed by FRANK SKINNER in two parts. These are hilarious. Looked like both men had a terrific time with this and I enjoyed them immensely. Give 'em a look. Love the action figure play again. Sean makes reference to the one he received from Rosie.



YouTube Credit for the Frank Skinner Interview Parts 1 & 2 goes to: Govi20

I was truly captivated while Sean Bean spoke of his decision to become an actor...



Once again, I have to thank Destiny for these.

THE PERFECT MUSE (or... What to do with a Hill a' Beans!)

I'll share two more happenings that revolve (sort of) around British Actor Sean Bean's being an integral muse in my latest project. Two incidents that have indeed contributed to the huge amount of fun I am having with it, and then the topic of Bean really has to close. (He's taking over! Gotta nip that in the bud. I am a grown woman, not a silly schoolgirl. I will not obsess over some actor... even if he does have a voice that could melt the polar ice cap... I will not obsess. I will not. I will not. I will... not.)

Okay, I am teasing. I am not obsessing over an actor, although given some of the things I have read online lately, that does appear to make me somewhat of an oddball.

Anyway, my first tale is of something that happened between Steve and I. As you know, I'd downloaded some photos of Bean, three to be exact, to place on my storyboard and because I had decided to write longhand for a while, I decided to put one of them on the computer as my desktop wallpaper so it would be, uh, well, in my face. The shot was a very tight close up in which he is masterfully exhibiting a thoughtful sadness, a loneliness. His expression is perfectly in tune with the passage with which I am currently struggling. I am at a point where I must write a particularly heart-wrenching experience for Logan and I tend to rely upon outside stimuli for that type of thing rather than force myself to use my own life experiences to draw on emotionally. I still cry when I am writing it, but my tears are for the character, as I am avoiding the need to call upon painful memories of my own. This photograph was the last one I found. The one that brought about the EUREKA! reaction I wrote of in DISMUSED. (See: 3/07 entry, DISMUSED)

Now, my eight year old wandered in to my office looking for a book to read and to hang with mom. (I love when they do that...) As she curled up on the sofa and pulled the throw over herself, she glanced over to my computer, noticed the photo of Bean, and with an impish grin announced she was going to tell her father.

She didn't come back in, but Steve did.

Now, this is as good a time as any to point out that my Steve is the ultimate muse. He is and always has been my own personal Mac Dreamy. Standing at six foot, two with broad, muscular shoulders and a thirty-three inch waist, he is the epitome of "handsome and rugged". With piercing green eyes that can be so dark they sometimes look black, unusually smooth olive complected skin, thick wavy black hair with a touch of salt and pepper at the temples, and a deep raspy voice, Steve is truly the kind of man people write about.

And there is a lot to write.

Once you get past the titillating exterior there is so much more. Well-read, talented, artistic and creative, he is also a man of great integrity and character. His devotion to this family knows no bounds. First of all, he puts up with me and... that makes him admirable on so many levels! A world-class husband and dad, he is generous, affectionate, loving and ever available to the kids and me; a good example twenty-four, seven.

If you'll kindly excuse the expression, "a good citizen of the world", I'll throw that in the mix, too. I know it sounds cliché, but he really is. He cares, with all his heart, that what we leave for our children, by way of environment, politics, and religion is all that it can be and he unwaveringly leads our family in that pursuit. In addition to that, he is the kind of man to whom people naturally gravitate; everyone likes to be around him. He's extremely warm and approachable, lighthearted and easygoing. A quick wit, he's always at the ready with a handy quip or a full-fledged anecdote that could rival any stand-up comic out there. And while his humor and practical jokes are legendary amongst our family and friends, he can turn on a dime when someone needs help. Whenever there is trouble or need, Steve is always the first one on the scene and the last one to leave, selflessly lifting spirits, moving mountains, and offering support.

He consistently raises the bar for me and our kids in every arena, be it work, school, music, sports, volunteering... From simple every-day tasks like picking up after himself or partnering with me in tending to our gardens - to contributing to a positive outcome in the grand scheme of things by volunteering our family for Habitat of Humanity or stopping everything and packing us all up to help clean up New Orleans, he puts forth his best effort, and readily exposes his deepest feelings. The rest of us just naturally follow suit. I admire him, I look up to him, and I aspire to be like him -- even after all these years... And I know our kids feel the same way.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Now, as I said, our eight year old had gone to tattle that mommy had a picture of a man on her computer and it wasn't daddy.

The idea that Steve could have more than a little fun with this was not lost on him, not for a second. So in he comes all cute and nosy, looking to see who, what, where and why. He sashayed over to me at the desk and leaned in to share a sweet kiss while glancing sideways at the computer. "What goes on here?" he asked, hovering over me authoritatively.

Embarrassed, I leaned forward, crossed my arms over the screen to shield it from his glare, and feigned innocence, "Uh, Nothing... Nothing. It's nothing, just a picture of that actor... uh, what's-his-name."

"Whatshisname." Steve echoed sternly.

"Yeah, you know, that one I am using for my muse. Whatshisname. The British actor." My attempt at nonchalance was a miserable failure.

"Sean Bean." His tone was unreadable.

"Yes, yes; that's it. Bean." I didn't look at him because I knew he wasn't buying this act for a second.

He went on to say he did not know if he liked this Bean business, and it became apparent as he glanced around my office noting the three photos of the dashing actor on my story board, that my Stevie suddenly felt he had something to, uh, prove. ...So, he locked the door and we had ourselves a TIME. (Not that we aren't always having ourselves a Time, but this one was unexpected and particularly Fun.)

It's official: I must send our Mr. Bean a Thank you! Maybe I'll send one to his parents too...

- - - - - - - - - - - -

When Steve and I were fin... uh, afterward, I cooed something about removing the photo of Bean from my desktop and replacing it with the one of the two of us that had been there before. He stretched, wrapped his arms around me and laughed, saying there was no need; he knew Bean was no threat to him. I liked that.

He was right...

___________________

The Second Story is much shorter. Although it is no less fun for the eleven of us, here in the land of Awwwwwwww's.

My online searches for photographs of Bean had led me to several sites built in his honor. And I have indeed communicated with some of the frequent visitors there who have been more than gracious in offering information that assisted me in ultimately locating the shots I chose.

Last week I received an email from one of these women asking me if I owned any of Bean's movies and if I would like the ones I did not already have. I responded that I did not have any at all, adding that I might be interested in borrowing a SHARPE or two - given that I had, once upon a time, enjoyed the books. Wasn't that nice of her...

Saturday, my UPS guy delivered a huge box.

With the exception of SHARPE'S CHALLENGE, which has apparently been released on DVD ONLY, I think this young woman has sent me everything he has ever done. From the entire SHARPE series to SILENT HILL, including TV appearances, interview/talk shows, guest shots and commercials - even commercials where he does a voice-over, there must be forty tapes... It seems she has recently, making partial use of a hefty tax refund, replaced all her VHS Bean with DVD Bean and I am the beneficiary of her efforts. How cool is THAT!

I asked Steve to build me a new shelf unit for my newly acquired Hill 'a Beans, but he hasn't answered me yet...

If I play my cards right, shelves or no, maybe he'll feel he has something to prove.

God bless you, Sean Bean, wherever you are!!

CM

Read some excerpts from BEHIND THE WALL

THE MUSE IS BACK!

COLOR ME HAPPY!

My muse is back and I have not had a breakdown of some kind in the meanwhile... Okay, well, that's debatable, but I am feeling fine now!

I had resolved, just yesterday, to stop struggling to find another muse and, instead, bite the proverbial bullet, give in, and re-write Logan to accommodate my, uh, issues with Bean. Sounds silly, I know, but cut me some slack. Every writer knows that the muse holds the power. He dictates. I merely transcribe. Re-writing the story would have been infinitely easier than finding a replacement muse to drive a story that has been inspired by another...

It never ceases to amaze me that as soon as I acknowledge that I am indeed not the one in control, I am given that very thing which I so desperately desired. In this case, I had been dreaming of finding my muse again, steadfastly intact.

Today, my wish is granted. (Oh, how dramatic, but, truth be told, I feel dramatic about it...) Still unable to write and cruelly left alone with my thoughts because plans for the day had been thwarted by inclement weather, I chose to lock myself in my office in an attempt to force myself to, at some point, at least touch the keyboard. But, alas, it was not to be so; I rebelliously avoided it like the plague. Even my bookshelves seemed to hold no interesting respite; no beckoning there, which is what leads me to admit that my statement about not having had a breakdown is somewhat debatable. Books have always been my hiding place and for me to look at them and feel nothing is, quite frankly, cause for alarm.

Frustrated and desperate for an escape, I actually turned on the TV. Now, anyone reading this who knows me personally just gasped in disbelief, but I assure you, it is true...

What transpired then was nothing short of stunning. You may remember that in my lamentation, DISMUSED, I mentioned that Sean Bean had a movie in current release in the UK. I am now convinced that he must have something going on over here in the States as well because that man is all over the small screen! I could not change the channel without bumping into him. Everywhere I went, there he was. (Is he stalking me? Hmmm? Why, yes, I have been called a dreamer; why do you ask?) Anyway, I saw SHARPE; some mad scientist on an ISLAND cloning mankind for fun and profit; greedy Ian scurrying to locate our NATIONAL TREASURE by stealing the Declaration of Independence; a man desperate to find his wife and daughter who'd gone missing in some weird, dark nightmarish sci-fi thing on SILENT HILL; and the handsome Airline Pilot who disrupted my FLIGHTPLAN and started all this by making me notice Sean Bean in the first place. Why, if I didn't know better, I'd swear he was stalk... uh, well, never mind.

At any rate, his brilliant personifications one after the other, or remoting back and forth as the case may be, enthralled and entertained. Afterwards it hit me just how clever this actor is. Consider this: It's one thing to carry a film on your back when you are the lead; quite another, I would imagine, when you are not. Strategically placing himself in so many secondary roles when he is the epitome of a leading man is nothing short of brilliant. Bean gets A's in my book. Only other actor I have ever admired for such selfless, brainy moves is Dustin Hoffman. If Bean loves his craft the way Dustin does, we'll all grow old together; that's a given!

I find his wisdom and humility very appealing indeed!


All is well. The muse is back!


I really ought to send him a Thank You...

CM
--
Newprose.org

"Life is no brief candle. It's a sort of splendid torch, so make it
burn as bright as possible." --George Bernard Shaw

It's a mystery...

I wrote nearly a hundred pages last night. Carefully side-stepping poor Logan. Fearful that I may need to completely re-design and re-write him, I have begun to avoid him at all costs and focus on Cassie. Which sucks because, while I know - and love - Cassie, Logan is the main character; the backbone of my story.

Just for fun - and to distract me from feeling sorry for myself, I was trying to analyze why I do my best writing in the middle of the night...

Maybe it's the illusion of solitude...

It must be the quiet... or the dark... or that dreamy place between asleep and awake... Or the knowing that my family is all tucked safely in their beds. Maybe it's the sound of Steve breathing. (Such a wonderful sound. I love him sleeping next to me while I am writing... probably because even when my thoughts take me someplace dangerous or heartbreaking, his presence assures my safety... and my sanity.)


Ultimately, though, it's a mystery.

CM

Newprose.org