Every once in a while, I receive these emails just like everyone else. I decided to share the one that arrived today because, as someone who enjoys flitting about the globe as much as I do, it is one of my all time favorites. I'd read it a few years ago, when it was attributed to Quantas Air Lines, and enjoyed it just as much today as I did then. Maybe moreso. (Thanks Cat and Jess!)
If you've read it before, or if you're reading it for the first time...
Enjoy!
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS (United Parcel Service) has their pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Hope that made you smile!
Have a great day. I will post more tomorrow.
Carol
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
STILL BEANMUSED After All These Months...
I had a wonderful email discussion a few days ago with an online friend about roles in which we might like to see Sean Bean.
I have given this a lot of thought (too much thought, if I am to be truthful) and have decided that I would like to see Sean Bean in the part of Robert Langdon (the Tom Hanks role) in The DaVinci Code.
Now before you go off getting your knickers in a knot, hear me out: I quite enjoyed The DaVinci Code. Thought it was done beautifully. In fact, it was a complete mystery to me that some reviewers claim to have been disappointed that it was not a more action packed, race 'em/chase 'em kind of film. Apparently, they'd been looking for a more exciting theatrical experience. But I found it intelligent and thought provoking, just like the book. For action and excitement, I was extremely satisfied with National Treasure, which conveniently brings me back to Sean Bean.
First off, I think he and Ron Howard might have enjoyed and benefited greatly from working together. If you consider they are both genius in their work and add the notion that they appear to maintain polar opposite ideas of what is entertaining, and combine that with what we already know about their work ethic and ability to listen to and value professional, artistic input from each other, it's clear that a collaboration between these two would have made for a spectacular outcome.
TDC certainly would have been a very different film with Sean Bean as Langdon. For starters, the complete lack of sexual tension between the male and female leads would have provided such powerful anxiety... well, I believe it would have provided the catapult Bean so desperately needs for US filmmakers to catch on to his steamy screen prowess. It's no secret that they need their hands held. (Overall, with the obvious exceptions of Lucas, Spielberg, and Howard, they do not know what they are doing.)
So let's give Sean a wonderful story with a role such as Robert Langdon and have him walk them through it, shall we?
As indicated in my role preference scenario, let's have Sean escort the audience on a sensual journey where the aforementioned sexual tension is perceived by the audience instead of splashed boringly across the screen as he is oft required to do... I am stressing the profoundness of the cliche "why buy the cow when one can get the milk for free?". Instead of giving it up in nearly every film, this time I'd like to see Bean leave them wanting more. The clearly male notion that nudity is always what the audience wants is such a foolhardy insult to the intellect and creative imagination of the audience! Someone else's interpretation is never as good as one's own.
Picture this win/win outcome: Instead of exiting theaters fanning feverishly while announcing that Sean Bean is hot, women will instead be exiting theaters completely unaware, at first, that they will not be able to get him out of their heads. Their clamoring to see him again will most assuredly catch the watchful eyes of the powers-that-be who will then pat themselves black and blue on their collective backs while their brazenly expensive PR firms denominate the ensuing pandemonium: The Sean Bean Phenomenon! Oh lordy, I can see it all now!
CHECK AND MATE!
THEN... On the heels of that, I would like to see him in the role I believe to have been written for him.
My ultimate dream part for Sean Bean...
In a perfect world, Sean would play Jamie Fraser in *OUTLANDER which would be produced by the BBC as a series of about 12 films and run over a period of somewhere between six months to a year. He would start as a young Sean (think Storyteller) and magically age 20 years at the appropriate time. If anyone could do this, it's Sean Bean. I would trust no one else to play a much beloved character such as Jamie Fraser. (Oh and I, of course, would be Claire Randall Fraser. *cough, chortle, cough* This is in a perfect world, right?)
It would have to be the BBC because they are infinitely more responsible with literature than US film makers. Sad but blatantly true.
Carol
Anyone have Sean Bean's phone number? I owe him a couple of Thank You's anyway...
*Outlander By Diana Gabaldon
I have given this a lot of thought (too much thought, if I am to be truthful) and have decided that I would like to see Sean Bean in the part of Robert Langdon (the Tom Hanks role) in The DaVinci Code.
Now before you go off getting your knickers in a knot, hear me out: I quite enjoyed The DaVinci Code. Thought it was done beautifully. In fact, it was a complete mystery to me that some reviewers claim to have been disappointed that it was not a more action packed, race 'em/chase 'em kind of film. Apparently, they'd been looking for a more exciting theatrical experience. But I found it intelligent and thought provoking, just like the book. For action and excitement, I was extremely satisfied with National Treasure, which conveniently brings me back to Sean Bean.
First off, I think he and Ron Howard might have enjoyed and benefited greatly from working together. If you consider they are both genius in their work and add the notion that they appear to maintain polar opposite ideas of what is entertaining, and combine that with what we already know about their work ethic and ability to listen to and value professional, artistic input from each other, it's clear that a collaboration between these two would have made for a spectacular outcome.
TDC certainly would have been a very different film with Sean Bean as Langdon. For starters, the complete lack of sexual tension between the male and female leads would have provided such powerful anxiety... well, I believe it would have provided the catapult Bean so desperately needs for US filmmakers to catch on to his steamy screen prowess. It's no secret that they need their hands held. (Overall, with the obvious exceptions of Lucas, Spielberg, and Howard, they do not know what they are doing.)
So let's give Sean a wonderful story with a role such as Robert Langdon and have him walk them through it, shall we?
As indicated in my role preference scenario, let's have Sean escort the audience on a sensual journey where the aforementioned sexual tension is perceived by the audience instead of splashed boringly across the screen as he is oft required to do... I am stressing the profoundness of the cliche "why buy the cow when one can get the milk for free?". Instead of giving it up in nearly every film, this time I'd like to see Bean leave them wanting more. The clearly male notion that nudity is always what the audience wants is such a foolhardy insult to the intellect and creative imagination of the audience! Someone else's interpretation is never as good as one's own.
Picture this win/win outcome: Instead of exiting theaters fanning feverishly while announcing that Sean Bean is hot, women will instead be exiting theaters completely unaware, at first, that they will not be able to get him out of their heads. Their clamoring to see him again will most assuredly catch the watchful eyes of the powers-that-be who will then pat themselves black and blue on their collective backs while their brazenly expensive PR firms denominate the ensuing pandemonium: The Sean Bean Phenomenon! Oh lordy, I can see it all now!
CHECK AND MATE!
THEN... On the heels of that, I would like to see him in the role I believe to have been written for him.
My ultimate dream part for Sean Bean...
In a perfect world, Sean would play Jamie Fraser in *OUTLANDER which would be produced by the BBC as a series of about 12 films and run over a period of somewhere between six months to a year. He would start as a young Sean (think Storyteller) and magically age 20 years at the appropriate time. If anyone could do this, it's Sean Bean. I would trust no one else to play a much beloved character such as Jamie Fraser. (Oh and I, of course, would be Claire Randall Fraser. *cough, chortle, cough* This is in a perfect world, right?)
It would have to be the BBC because they are infinitely more responsible with literature than US film makers. Sad but blatantly true.
Carol
Anyone have Sean Bean's phone number? I owe him a couple of Thank You's anyway...
*Outlander By Diana Gabaldon
Sunday, August 19, 2007
The ACCIDENTAL SONG!
It never fails to escape me that, thanks to the Internet and blogs, I am now able to broadcast my disdain when service is not what it ought to be. Just last week, for instance, I ranted, raved and, in general, blathered on about AT&T, Verizon, Sears and other assorted retailers. My complete dissatisfaction with a local bank had not escaped publication either.
For me, an entire topic of eternal questions keeping me awake at night is: When did the customer become the enemy? In that mental folder, if you will, I place all the little questions that bog me down, like: Don’t they want to sell their product to me? Why do they hate me so? How much of my phone battery must I use up listening to their adverts and holding-on before I get to ask my question?
I think, therefore, that it is only fair to make an announcement:
There are still some folks who not only excel at customer service, they truly enjoy what they do.
(No, this is not a fantasy/science fiction entry, why do you ask?)
___________________________
This afternoon, I stepped outside to find that I had a flat tire. Disgruntled, I dialed the number for Audi Roadside Assistance. I had purchased the contract when I bought my car and this was my first time needing to use it. I wondered if it would be worth the trouble. In the past, whenever I needed a service of this kind, I usually ended up so aggravated that I ended up calling a garage on my own and paying for the help I needed rather than deal with my insurance company's so-called customer service. Enough said about that, because today was different.
Today, Jessica answered the phone on the first ring and was about as pleasant as a cool fresh breeze on a sweltering summer day. (Oh, hush. I know it’s cliché. It is also true!) She took my particulars in record time without once asking me to repeat anything, not even the lengthy, often confusing alpha/numeric Vehicle Identification Number. Impressed, I could feel my eyebrows rise and my chin lower as she confidently moved on to the next series of questions. We confirmed that I was indeed who I said I was, and then began the inch-by-inch identification process of the vehicle itself. With all that asked and answered, she repeated the car’s physical description back to me, inadvertently making it rhyme. My quiet chortle was not lost on her. Before I knew it, we had ourselves in stitches trying unsuccessfully to one-up each other.
Don't believe me? Here is a partial result of our efforts:
I had me a flat tire today
Wait'n for me on my Gunmetal Gray
Oh-4 A-4 Cabriolet!
If there's one thing I cannot abide
Smirking at me when I get to my ride,
Oh drat! 'S a flat! Left front. Driver side!
We went on for some time, but I don't need to write it all; you get the picture.
Corny? Yes. Fun? You bet. Now this might not sound like much to you, but from my point of view, it was positively brilliant! Hell, I had a flat tire. When I initiated the call, I was upset at the inconvenience and worried that I was facing the possibility that I would need to make a very expensive, unbudgeted purchase. By the time my call with Jessica reached its conclusion, I was happy and, quite frankly, over it. She made me laugh and I appreciated that.
Well done, Jessica!
I am not even going to tell you about how breathtakingly handsome and charming the mechanic was... or that he showed up at my house in ten minutes, fixed the car in five, and refused a tip. I'm figuring I must have done something good somewhere this past week...
CM
*Disclaimer: My only affiliation with Audi is that I am a customer.
©2007 Carol Marsella. Carol Marsella grants Boggles the Mind, Newprose, and its affiliates non-exclusive rights to display this work. This article may not be used or distributed electronically or in print without express permission from the author.
For me, an entire topic of eternal questions keeping me awake at night is: When did the customer become the enemy? In that mental folder, if you will, I place all the little questions that bog me down, like: Don’t they want to sell their product to me? Why do they hate me so? How much of my phone battery must I use up listening to their adverts and holding-on before I get to ask my question?
I think, therefore, that it is only fair to make an announcement:
There are still some folks who not only excel at customer service, they truly enjoy what they do.
(No, this is not a fantasy/science fiction entry, why do you ask?)
This afternoon, I stepped outside to find that I had a flat tire. Disgruntled, I dialed the number for Audi Roadside Assistance. I had purchased the contract when I bought my car and this was my first time needing to use it. I wondered if it would be worth the trouble. In the past, whenever I needed a service of this kind, I usually ended up so aggravated that I ended up calling a garage on my own and paying for the help I needed rather than deal with my insurance company's so-called customer service. Enough said about that, because today was different.
Today, Jessica answered the phone on the first ring and was about as pleasant as a cool fresh breeze on a sweltering summer day. (Oh, hush. I know it’s cliché. It is also true!) She took my particulars in record time without once asking me to repeat anything, not even the lengthy, often confusing alpha/numeric Vehicle Identification Number. Impressed, I could feel my eyebrows rise and my chin lower as she confidently moved on to the next series of questions. We confirmed that I was indeed who I said I was, and then began the inch-by-inch identification process of the vehicle itself. With all that asked and answered, she repeated the car’s physical description back to me, inadvertently making it rhyme. My quiet chortle was not lost on her. Before I knew it, we had ourselves in stitches trying unsuccessfully to one-up each other.
Don't believe me? Here is a partial result of our efforts:
Wait'n for me on my Gunmetal Gray
Oh-4 A-4 Cabriolet!
If there's one thing I cannot abide
Smirking at me when I get to my ride,
Oh drat! 'S a flat! Left front. Driver side!
We went on for some time, but I don't need to write it all; you get the picture.
Corny? Yes. Fun? You bet. Now this might not sound like much to you, but from my point of view, it was positively brilliant! Hell, I had a flat tire. When I initiated the call, I was upset at the inconvenience and worried that I was facing the possibility that I would need to make a very expensive, unbudgeted purchase. By the time my call with Jessica reached its conclusion, I was happy and, quite frankly, over it. She made me laugh and I appreciated that.
Well done, Jessica!
I am not even going to tell you about how breathtakingly handsome and charming the mechanic was... or that he showed up at my house in ten minutes, fixed the car in five, and refused a tip. I'm figuring I must have done something good somewhere this past week...
CM
*Disclaimer: My only affiliation with Audi is that I am a customer.
©2007 Carol Marsella. Carol Marsella grants Boggles the Mind, Newprose, and its affiliates non-exclusive rights to display this work. This article may not be used or distributed electronically or in print without express permission from the author.
Friday, August 3, 2007
CAN'T HELP MYSELF...
I am so delighted with this video of Sean Bean, my muse for Logan...
He is on ABC's ROSIE O'DONNELL SHOW discussing LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Thanks to Destiny for this!
I particularly like the end where he says, "I'll have another one" and then plays with the action figures like a little boy... I saw a clip of Ian McKellen doing the same thing with his action figure from LOTR... Absolutely charming. (Steve would do the same thing...) Uh... wouldn't those action figures be lovely items for my keepsake box?
You Tube Credit goes to: mirorimij (Title: Sean Bean Interview)
--o0o--
Next up is a video of him being interviewed by FRANK SKINNER in two parts. These are hilarious. Looked like both men had a terrific time with this and I enjoyed them immensely. Give 'em a look. Love the action figure play again. Sean makes reference to the one he received from Rosie.
YouTube Credit for the Frank Skinner Interview Parts 1 & 2 goes to: Govi20
I was truly captivated while Sean Bean spoke of his decision to become an actor...
Once again, I have to thank Destiny for these.
He is on ABC's ROSIE O'DONNELL SHOW discussing LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Thanks to Destiny for this!
I particularly like the end where he says, "I'll have another one" and then plays with the action figures like a little boy... I saw a clip of Ian McKellen doing the same thing with his action figure from LOTR... Absolutely charming. (Steve would do the same thing...) Uh... wouldn't those action figures be lovely items for my keepsake box?
You Tube Credit goes to: mirorimij (Title: Sean Bean Interview)
Next up is a video of him being interviewed by FRANK SKINNER in two parts. These are hilarious. Looked like both men had a terrific time with this and I enjoyed them immensely. Give 'em a look. Love the action figure play again. Sean makes reference to the one he received from Rosie.
YouTube Credit for the Frank Skinner Interview Parts 1 & 2 goes to: Govi20
I was truly captivated while Sean Bean spoke of his decision to become an actor...
Once again, I have to thank Destiny for these.
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